Fear Starts to Take Root.........

Luke left to pick up Lucas from youth group yesterday.....shortly thereafter I heard sirens.....VERY close to the house. Lots of them......just like in Sept. 2009. When this happens, I immediately text and or call to verify everything is okay.....it was.

I don't know when/if ever that will change. But, I started to think about when my fear started.....here is one of my earlier memories....

One morning, when my brother and I were in gradeschool, we were waiting for my dad to get home from work so he could drive us to school. My dad worked third shift and my mom would leave for work a short time before he would get home. On this particular day it was taking my dad longer to get home. I don't remember all the details or the exact timing, but I remember while we watched out the window, I would picture my dad just leaving work and in my mind, I would 'drive' his route home. I'm sure I did that at least two times as we waited and at some point we could hear sirens. You could tell they were really close. I think I was a little worried.....but kind of pushed it to the back of my mind. I want to say that either my mom or I eventually called my aunt to bring us to school.

Obviously, we were late to school, but went about our day. At some point, a teacher or principal (I can't remember which) came into my classroom and pulled me out. She let me know that my mom had called and my dad had been in an accident. I was kind of shocked and shaken up. I asked to call my mom to see how my dad was. I think I had wanted to leave school, but my mom told me he was fine.....I'm thinking....then why call me out of class to tell me that? Why not wait until we were out of school. The rest of the day was kind of a blur and I was still worried.

As it turned out, my dad was waiting to turn left onto our street, a car rear ended him at 50mph. Those sirens we heard were for him. When we were younger, my dad would RARELY, if ever, wear his seatbelt. For some reason, that day, he chose to wear it. Thank God! While he was waiting he also kept his wheels straight instead of turning them toward the direction he was turning, this saved him from hitting another vehicle coming in the opposite direction. If I remember correctly, he ended up fully reclined, with one leg up on the dashboard.

When I eventually saw the pictures of the car, I think I became more scared at what 'could' have happened.

Before that accident, I really don't remember ever being worried if someone (mostly my immediate family) was late.

I do remember being afraid and worried about death in general and not knowing what I would do if they (family/friends) died.....but I'm pretty sure this accelerated things even more.

As far as I was concerned, it wasn't just a 'what if'.....it came close and gave me more of a reason to fear it.

Psalm 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.