Guard Your Heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23 NLT) If someone hurts us, who is to blame? Is it their fault for treating us poorly and being selfish, or is it our fault for not properly guarding our hearts? I tend to lean towards seeing the good in people. When I sit and talk with them or observe them, it's almost like I can see their heart and who they are deep down. When I can 'see' this, I become energized and encouraged. When they hurt, I want to help and when they're happy, I want to rejoice with them. I put myself out there and become vulnerable. I want to share my heart with them and I do. Unfortunately, that can and has set me up for a lot of heartache. Each time it happens the hurt is deep and I'm caught off guard. It's times like these when I am actually jealous of Luke and his ability not to care. I know, for my own sake, he wishes I could. I am just not capable. Please pray for me as I struggle to find the balance of protecting my heart and somehow sharing it as well. That my heart wouldn't become hardened and the hurt won't feel so deep. I'm sure I've done it plenty of times to others and for that I sincerely apologize.

Adjusting and Readjusting

I'm not going to lie, adjusting does not come naturally for me and I really don't enjoy having to do it. I will say that I am MUCH better at it today than I was years ago. I've come to learn that it is something that I will always have to do. So, I've learned to accept it and I try to go with the flow. It's pointless to stress about it, although many times that's easier said than done. As of late, I have noticed that adjusting and readjusting is necessary in relationships. I often expect people to act a certain way, or take them at their word, only to be let down. It's hard not to take it personal. It can be hurtful and disappointing. The thing is, we are all different from one another. So, this is bound to happen at some point, with everyone we know, no matter how similar we might seem. I struggled with how to handle my hurt and disappointment for years. There have been many prayers prayed and many tears cried. Since I do love people with all my heart, that leaves my heart open to hurt. In the past, I would allow these hurts to harden my heart and many times, to save myself from the pain, cut people out of my life. Instead, I now step back and look at the situation. What was I expecting from that person and that relationship? Why was I expecting it? Is that person cabable of what I expected? Do they mean what they say? Do they do what they say? Then, I adjust and sometimes readjust. Sometimes, it's how much of my heart can be exposed or invested. Sometimes, it's how I interact with them. Sometimes, it's if I can trust what they say or do. For the most I just try to believe the best. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT)

Amazing Love

I am consistently amazed at the Lord and how He communicates with me. It's not like I 'hear' a loud booming voice that commands my attention. He doesn't physically appear before me and have a chat with me. The best way I can describe it is a quiet nudge, a knowing deep within my heart/spirit/soul. Sometimes, 'out of nowhere' He will place a Bible verse on my heart. I think that method REALLY amazes me. I don't 'know' the Bible. I can't just recite a verse from memory. I've never been good with any kind of memorization. So, when he leads me towards a specific spot in the Bible and it speaks to me personally, or is directed toward someone I'm praying for, it almost (sometimes it actually does) brings me to tears. It is overwhelming to think that the Lord of all the Earth takes time to communicate with ME! I am so thankful He does. Without Him, I would be an even bigger mess. :) My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, (John 10:27, 28 NLT)

Peaceful Rest

The first night, immediately following the accidents, I slept well. It was an absolutely horrendous day and 'normally' I would have tossed and turned the entire night. However, it was peaceful, I was peaceful. I know I called one or two people that night, once things 'settled' down. I wanted to get the word out and ask for prayer. I didn't have my cell phone, as it was left in my vehicle. Since a cell phone stores all your numbers for you, there are very few people whose numbers I know by heart. Plus, by the time I thought to call people, it was really late at night, which also narrowed my options. I called a good friend, who I knew would be up. She listened and she prayed. It was just what I needed. She, and countless others lifted me up in prayer as I slept, peacefully, on a small couchbed, in Michael's room, with Lucas next door, Luke at a separate hospital and Emily with my brother and sister-in-law. That peace could only come from God. Tonight, as a friend struggles through a really tough time, I pray that the Lord can comfort my friend, just as I was comforted on that terrible day. I pray they can feel the peaceful presence of God and can rest well.