Help! or not......

I know-I need an attitude adjustment....but sometimes people are so frustrating.

I don't get it.

Either you want help and you want to better yourself or you don't.

If you want to be an idiot, continue to be an idiot.....don't talk about how you want to change.

I'm all for people venting and expressing their frustration. I can handle that-but please don't complain about your life, yet make no change.

I'm not really understanding what the point of that is.

I think what upsets me most is when people don't actually care to change. Too much work. Most of the time there is a cost when change is involved-but if the results are good isn't the cost worth it? I mean-you're miserable now anyway.....why not be miserable taking the steps to change knowing it will pay off?

Lame.

Maybe next post I'll be more positive. I wanted to be honest though.....I'm having an off day and it's not pretty.


I'll be calling tonight.....
Psalm 86:5
“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.”

Sixth Sense or the Holy Spirit?

Last night, after I had been asleep for a bit, I woke up. I wake up often during the night, but this time was different. Something felt off. I felt like I wanted to cry. I wasn't hurting, upset, anxious or angry about anything. I had a thought that maybe someone I cared about was hurting. I told you, I literally feel other people's feelings. I decided to check my emails, texts, missed calls and facebook to see if anything was amiss, maybe I needed to be praying for someone. Nothing. 


I decided to post a status update....

Exhausted. Can't sleep. Feeling like I want to cry. Not sure why. Not anxious, worried or sad....at least I don't think so. Weird.

I laid in bed for a bit praying-for what, I wasn't sure.

This morning I still felt a little off. I went on facebook and three things caught my attention.

First, my brother had a Bible verse on his status. That was a little strange.....especially since the verse was

‎"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

--2 Corinthians 1:3-4


I don't think he has ever posted a Bible verse.....he's 'liked' mine.....but never posted one himself.....that I can remember.


The second was my sister-in-law's (his wife) status.


I'm laying here wondering why they say "things happen for a reason.." I wish I knew that reason so I could avoid them....


If that wasn't enough.....my brother had left two comments on my status from last night

I hear ya! I'll talk to you in the morning....


AND


Love you!!!


So, of course, I called him right away at about 6am and was able to talk with my sister-in-law. She let me know that a friend of their family was approaching her last days on earth. Cancer.


Yuck.


Death is not pretty. We weren't created for death. Thankfully, we have the opportunity to have everlasting life. However, it doesn't take away death's sting.


I have seen death all around me from a young age. I used to be afraid of it. There is no avoiding it.....unless the Lord follows my blueprint and I am raptured. :) 


While I don't necessarily fear it any more, I still have questions and/or get angry when people have loved ones die......when it involves suffering.......when it involves children.......when it involves people that are so faithful to Him.


My mother-in-law recently lost a good friend to cancer. She was an amazing woman.....not without fault.....but was very committed to the Lord and sharing His joy and message with others.


She led so many others to the Lord.....WHY would the Lord allow her to have cancer and suffer a painful death? I went to her funeral a little bitter at the Lord. It was probably the 'best' funeral I have ever been to. It was inspiring, amazing and awesome to see all the lives she had touched......which didn't help the bitterness. She was with her family as she took her last breath.

I learned this at the funeral......Up until about 2:30am she had been in terrible pain, screaming and yelling. My mother-in-law woke up about that time and sensed that she was supposed to pray for her friend. She did. At about that time is when her family said she calmed down. She laid there for another hour or two.......as she breathed her last breath a smile came across her face. Peace.

All of my bitterness evaporated and I too was at peace. The Lord had her and she was happy.

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

You Want Me To Do WHAT? Part 1

I did NOT write the following. It came at a great time though as I shared today with a group about what happened with Luke and me a few years back. I've been reading the Bible more and more through the years and I have never heard or read this story. It's interesting that I would come across it now, as a friend is having problems with her husband. I'm thinking if I would have read it in the midst of all the craziness I would have thought....this lady is crazy......and maybe that's what you'll think after you read it.

So-here's the first part. It was written by Rachel Olsen.

I don't know if I'll be writing a follow-up tomorrow, in a month or a year......I guess we'll see. :)

Rachel Olsen

“Haughtiness goes before destruction; humility precedes honor.”
Proverbs 18:12 (NLT)

Marriages were often arranged in Abigail’s era, and I wonder if this was true of hers. On paper her husband Nabal seemed like a “catch.” He was wealthy, a good provider, and he liked to have fun and throw parties. But behind the scenes his self-control and integrity was seriously lacking, causing those closest to him to suffer.

Here is what we know about Abigail’s husband Nabal from the Bible in 1 Samuel chapter 25:1-41

* He is wealthy — that’s partly due to David’s protection of his land and flocks. (vs. 2,8)

* He’s crude, and mean in all his dealings. (vs. 3)

* He sneers at guests who come in peace, and questions their character. (vs. 10-11)

* He shouts insults. (vs.14)

* He’s stingy, not returning favors or repaying kindnesses showed him. (vs. 16, 21)

* He is so temperamental that people dread talking to him. (vs. 17)

* He thinks more highly of himself than he ought. (vs. 36)

* He drinks too much. (vs. 36-37)

Basically, Nabal was a self-centered, ill-mannered guy who didn’t recognize God’s provision or blessings in his life. And if you read his story, you’ll see he was foolish enough to insult the most powerful man around (King David) but more importantly, he was foolish enough to insult the one true God.

God let Nabal face the ultimate consequence of his character – death (vs. 38-39).

Imagine yourself paired up in marriage to such a foolish, arrogant, sharp-tongued man as this. (I hope you have to imagine, and have not lived this.) How would you react towards him? What do you think living with him might do to your personality, or your character?

Might you grow depressed? Would you become withdrawn or timid? Would you nag him to do better? Would you grow bitter, angry and become argumentative back? Or, would you perhaps just “let yourself go” and decide not to care about anything?

Let’s look at Nabal’s wife Abigail, from that same passage in the Bible:

* She is smart and sensible. (vs. 3)

* People look to her for wisdom and leadership in times of trouble. (vs. 14, 17)

* She is decisive and wastes no time worrying, pitying her situation, or fussing at those who cause her trouble — instead she takes action to improve the situation. (vs. 18, 23)

* She is generous, (vs. 18, 27) even willing to lay down her life for others. (vs. 22, 24)

* She is humble (vs. 24, 41) and quick to ask forgiveness. (vs. 28)

* She speaks eloquently and tactfully — with a knowledge of God — as she gives one of the longest speeches by a woman recorded in the Bible. (vs. 24-31)

* She looks out for the well-being and reputation of others — even Nabal’s. (vs. 25, 31)

* She trusts God, holds her tongue, and waits patiently for the right timing. (vs. 36-38)

Abigail has always been one of my favorite women in the Bible. She has it all — wisdom, character, courage, faith, eloquence, graciousness. She possesses both inner and outer beauty. But her life with this man Nabal was no picnic, and that’s really why I admire her.

How many times did Nabal get drunk and say or do something demeaning to her? Yet she chose not to let her spirit die. How many times did she wish for revenge, though not seek it? How many times did he berate her, yet she wasn’t paralyzed by his insults?

How many times did his foolishness cost her greatly, or those she cared about? Yet she chose not to count the costs to herself when she put her life on the line to spare his life and the other men’s.

Abigail’s praiseworthy character ran deep, which tells me her reverence of God did as well.

After Nabal’s death, she married King David and they had a son. David would have seven other wives in his lifetime, but only Abigail earned his complete respect. Only she had a positive influence on him.

Abigail challenges me to choose differently — to be humble, wise and courageous. Her example teaches me that I can choose how I will allow my circumstances to shape my character. While Nabal’s life clearly shows that haughtiness goes before destruction, Abigail’s shows that choosing humility and wisdom allows God to shape my character and my circumstances. And it makes room for God to be glorified in both.

© 2011 by Rachel Olsen. All rights reserved.

 Visit Rachel’s blog 

Honestly......

I had a great start to my morning.

Let me start with yesterday evening, though. My "precious" little 3-year old (4 on Feb. 22) Emily loves to draw and make "lists." She has always asked permission to draw and except for her hands and face, has been really good about only writing on paper. Yesterday, she came home and Luke told her to show me her pants. She was embarrassed but eventually did it. Pen all over her pant legs. Really? Luke said, "She feels bad and I already talked with her about it." So, I let it go.

Fast forward to this morning. With three children our mornings are a little on the hectic side. Usually Luke is here to help out....however, this morning he was at Bible Study.

Mikey is home sick on my day alone. He's better than yesterday, though.

The clothes I had laid out for myself the night before (if I don't, it takes me 15 minutes to figure out what to wear) are now in with the dirty clothes because Luke decided to put them there.

I couldn't find Emily's hat because Luke decided it belonged rolled up INSIDE of his hat in the car. Naturally....

I had to frantically run around to find a different hat.

Emily was being snotty when Lucas was trying to buckle her seatbelt.

Lucas didn't like that Emily was being snotty so he decides to yell at her....making the situation worse.

When I come out to the car, Emily is screaming like she is insane because she is a snot.

I'm in rush hour traffic and the gas light comes on. FYI-I have not driven the car for days but someone else has. HINT-The kids don't drive.....

We barely make it to school on time, I open the door to get Emily out and she has drawn with a marker all over her pants. Clearly, she didn't feel bad enough after yesterdays incident. However, she did try walk into her classroom sideways so her teacher wouldn't see.

I was "mildly" irritated, to say the least. As I drove home I began to pray and I had a "vision" of Lucas being in the Flight for Life helicopter. Needless to say, that changed my attitude.

Even though my family can be irritating, frustrating and annoying----I still love them to bits and I love my life.

Perhaps later, I'll add a pic of Emmy's "artwork."

Accepting Compliments

A couple days ago Luke complimented me on something. I made a joke about it and he asked if I thought I would EVER accept compliments from people. I do have a really hard time accepting compliments.....it's just so strange.

The compliments I have an especially hard time accepting are, you're so strong (emotionally, in my faith), kind, compassionate, loving, caring, brave, tough, great parent and so on. It feels strange even "saying" that people tell me these things. IF I am any of these things, it is NOT because of me. It is 100% the Lord. Without Him I am, well let's just say none of the above.

I have been through a lot of things. Just thinking about when Luke left.......I most definitely did not (most of the time) do what I wanted to do. There came a point where I had to make a decision. Was I going to do things my way or the Lord's way? Some people say, yes, but you made the decision. Correct, after kicking, screaming, questioning, arguing and being a snot, I did make the decision to follow Him. When He asked me to do what (I thought) was absolutely ridiculous, I listened, but I most definitely did NOT have a good heart at first. There was a lot of chiselling and refining going on.

It was an awful time and a blessing. My relationship with the Lord was strengthened and I learned to rely on Him more than I ever had. For the first time, He became my #1.

To be honest though, my relationship with Him is still not perfect. I still question Him, I want to see the map He has so I can help Him tweak it a bit, I don't always listen the first time, the list could go on and on and on. So, when people compliment me for something He is responsible for.....it just doesn't feel right.

I guess the short answer is, I don't know that I EVER will be able to accept compliments......

^{Psalm 118}

¹³I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
¹⁴ The LORD is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.

Falling in "Love"

So, back in the Majik Man (Don Majkowski) days I became a hardcore Packer Backer. For those of you who....gasp....don't know who the Majik Man is, he was the quarterback before wonderful (now shunned) Brett Favre. I. Loved. Him. Majkowski....not Brett. :) I learned to spell his name so when we were married, it would be an easier transition. Look, I was in the fifth grade....what do you want from me?

I can remember my first training camp. My parents said we were going for a drive, I thought....well, that's dumb. I decided to use that time wisely and sleep. My parents woke me up and when I opened my eyes I saw we were at the Packers training camp! That was the best drive ever!

I thought it was so cool that after camp the players would sign autographs and talk with people. There were also kids who had brought their bikes and the players would ride the bikes back across street to Lambeau Field. While riding the bikes, the kids would hold the players helmet and the players would have a conversation with them. How awesome is that?

After that first time, there were a few other times we returned to Green Bay to, not only visit my grandparents, but to go to the camps, the Fan Photo Days and the Family Night Scrimmages.

There are a few things from the Fan Photo Day that I remember.

The first memory was, waiting in a long line to get my picture taken with Majkowski. When we finally made it to the front, my brother took the picture. I was so excited and couldn't wait to have it developed. Too bad that my brother only managed to get Majkowski from the chin down......I tease him to this day.

The second memory I have is, as we were waiting in the HUGE, long line for Majkowski, my dad looked over and saw there was a player that had NO ONE in his line. He felt bad for the guy and told me that I should go over there and get my picture with him. Well, there was NO WAY I was going to miss my Majkowski photo op. As it turns out, that player was Brett Favre. I'm going to have to say, it's probably better that I never did get his autograph.....there is no way that he would have been half as good as he was. As a matter of fact, I think right about the time my father-in-law bought me a Favre jersey is when things began to go downhill for him. Coincidence?

The third memory I have involves Sterling Sharpe. He would NEVER sign autographs or talk with anyone after the camp. However, he was at Fan Photo Day signing autographs. The entire time he kept his head down He wouldn't look at anyone, take his picture with anyone or speak to anyone. I was able to get his autograph.

Fast forward to Christmas a few years later. My uncle wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas. Every year I asked my parents for a Majkowski jersey and every year they said, "no." So, I asked my uncle for one. Well, when it came time to open my present I was shocked to see a Packer jersey! However, my mom told him not to get me a Majkowski jersey because "if he goes to another team, the jersey will be no good." Lame. He settled on a Sterling Sharpe jersey. Why? Sharpe had signed a 10-year deal around that time. The logic was that I could then wear it for the next few years. That was all fine and dandy until he injured his neck and could no longer play.....Coincidence?

Throughout the Majik Man years I managed to get a whole bunch of autographs and pictures OF him. I had posters all over my room....it was like a shrine. We see where that got the poor guy....an injury that still bothers him to this day! Sorry, Don!

I don't believe in good or bad luck (anymore) but you have to admit.....those things are a little strange.

Since I am a passionate person---I followed and cheered for the Pack during those years with plenty of passion---a little too much. There came a point where I would cry or it would ruin my day if they lost. So, when I was about 18 I had to quit the Pack, cold turkey.

I have watched them on and off throughout the last few years and have managed to keep my cool. However, today's game......all bets are off!

GO PACK, GO!!

WARNING?

I know that I have people of different beliefs and backgrounds reading this blog. While I don't swear and am not crass, some may find my words offensive, while others might be thinking, really, offensive?

I feel the need to maybe clarify things. As I've mentioned in my blog (or you already know) I am a Christian. I know I'm supposed to be an "example" to others, but I believe I also have to be truthful with who I am. Christians are NOT perfect. We're sinners just the same.

So, you'll see some sarcasm, maybe a word or a bunch that you might not like, my struggles with life and my relationship with the Lord, which is not perfect.

Someone sent me the following poem about being a Christian and I think it's spot on.

When I say ….”I am a Christian”
I am not shouting “I’m clean livin”
I’m whispering “I was lost
Now I’m found and forgiven”

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong
I’m professing that I’m weak.
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed.
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible.
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner.
Who received God’s good grace, somehow!

Driving 101

Is driving really that difficult? It appears to be for many. I seem to attract idiots, too.

Are people clueless? Is it because they don't care?

I can pretty much tell what someone is doing by the way they're driving.

Driving under the speed limit=Talking on the phone

Randomly slamming on their brakes=Their phone is ringing

Continuously swerving over the line =Texting

Then, there are the people who drive like idiots for no apparent reason.

Why would you-

Ride in the left lane going under the speed limit?

Ride even with another vehicle and not allow a huge line of cars through?

Stare at your passenger more than the road and what is going on around you?

Be on the free-way going 20mph under the speed limit? I mean, why would you even want to be on the free-way then?

Come to a complete stop before you turn?

Let your kids bounce around the vehicle with no seatbelt on?

Not use your signal light?

Ride someone's butt and then decide to move over just as another vehicle is approaching? Then, at least go past the slow car....don't ride even with it.....

Sit at a stop sign inching and debating whether you should go and making the decision to go just as the car is approaching?

Turn in front of a vehicle and go slowly when there is no one behind that vehicle? At least GO if you're going to go.....

Turn onto a three lane road and go into the lane where the one and only car is....and go slowly?

I mean....it's not rocket science....is it?

Sometimes, I wish I was a police officer just to pull idiots over for doing stupid things. Since I attract them, the county would make a fortune off of these people.

On Christmas Eve we were driving back from my father-in-laws "farm." It's a lot of country road driving. It was snowing/icing badly. So, I was going slow and when a would see a car coming I would pull over so they could pass. I could not believe how many cars were flying by. One of the times I pulled over I had a hard time starting again. Black ice. The next vehicle to come up was a police car with it's lights/sirens on. As we drove further up the road we had to be rerouted because some of the vehicles that had flown past us were involved in a pile up. As we were being rerouted I couldn't believe how many people STILL chose to fly down the road even after they saw the accident.....Hello people?!

I'm SURE I'm missing some things.......what annoys you?

Computer Social Anxiety?

Is it possible to have social anxiety through a computer? This blog is such a strange thing to me. It's like I'm speaking publicly in front of a whole bunch of people....even though I'm hiding behind a computer.

Blogger gives me stats of how many times people have visited my blog. As of today I've had 282 views, not counting me. That is insane. Who in the world cares about what I have to say. I don't mean that in a mean way, but really? Most of the time when I hear myself talk I hear, blah blah blah. I think one of you is refreshing your screen over and over just to make me feel better. Well, whether someone is hitting refresh or people are actually reading, thanks. :)

I. HATE. RUNNING.

As you can see from the title-I am not a fan of running. I would rather punch myself in the face. I am super jealous of people that actually like/love it. I wish I did.

Last week Luke and I started a program called Couch to 5k. This program claims you can go from not being active, to running three miles in just nine weeks. I'll let you know how that all works out. I think they are either very optimistic or liars. :) For months (yes months) I have been saying I'm going to start it. I bought the app for my phone and that's about as far as I got.

Finally, I became sick and tired of all the stupid weight I put on after the accidents. I mean, they happened in Sept. 2009.....it's 2011....shut up and do something. Luke and I decided to do the program together.

It takes me SO long to get to the treadmill. Two of my many issues are, I'm a procrastinator and making excuses comes naturally. Shhh.....don't tell Luke. ;) However, once I'm actually on the treadmill and doing the workout, I feel great. At the end of the workout, I feel awesome. When I don't have to worry about pulling a muscle to put my jeans on, I feel fantastic. But, the next day comes along and I dread the thought of doing it again. It. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

I know you might be thinking, well why don't you walk or take a class. Here are my excuses (told you so), walking will take longer to achieve the results I want and at this point I don't have time for a class because I am the Carrao Express. I do LOVE to "break it down" if you will, and dance. Maybe, after I've completed this program and the boys have a sports break, I'll take a Zumba class or something. But, for now I have to finish this program because another one of my issues is that I often start things and then don't finish.

In the last week and a half I have lost 5lbs, my clothes fit better and my not so lovely handles are beginning to melt away. So, for 7 1/2 more weeks (although....I have a feeling I may repeat a week or five) I will tough it out......most likely kicking and screaming the whole way.

Remembering

Today, Luke was looking at the numbers in his old cell phone. He closed it, looked at me with a saddened look and said, "John's number is still in there."

John was Luke's stepbrother. On August 27th, 2006 at the age of 28 years old, he died. The "official" cause of death was an Adverse Reaction to Cocaine.

I remember John called our house the day before he died. His number was on our caller ID, but he didn't leave a message. We had been out to dinner with Luke's mom (Pam) and stepdad (Bob). Pam had mentioned that John was going to be calling us because he wanted to talk with us.

I don't know if he was calling to congratulate us on being pregnant or to share his excitement about his medical residency in New York.

Luke mentioned that he wished he would have called John when we got home and talked to him all night. Maybe then, he would still be alive.

We both know that you can't play the "what if" game, but sometimes you can't help it.

The next morning at 5am our phone rang. It was Pam, letting us know that John had died. It was as though someone had punched me in the stomach. I just couldn't comprehend the words. I sat down and repeated over and over "Oh, My God." Not in a disrespectful way, but as a genuine prayer. It was all I could mutter.

If you've read my previous posts I've spoken of my vivid dreams. I remember one dream in particular right after John died. He was in my dream and I knew he was dead. He had a tux on and looked younger, maybe high school age. I looked at him confused and he said, "It's not time for me to go yet." I don't remember what else he talked about, but I do remember he hugged me. It was so real and so comforting. As I awoke I realized I was hugging a pillow very tightly. I had peace for awhile after that. Like I had been able to get one last hug and say goodbye.

His Birthday is February 24th, two days after Emily's. He would have been 33 years old.

I love him and I miss him.

Dr. John William Jung

February 24th, 1978

August 27th, 2006

For more info and more of his story you can go to the following page.

rdjungfamily.net

One Year Ago Today

This post was written on September 12th, 2010. I thought I would add it for those of you that don't know.

One year ago today my world was turned upside down.

I first received a call around noon to inform me that Luke, Lucas, Michael and Emily were involved in a bad accident.

When I arrived on the scene a police officer informed me that "Luke should buy a lottery ticket because they are lucky they are all okay."
A totaled vehicle was the least of my concerns.
My heart was broken looking at the bumps, bruises, cuts and glass shards on the kids and Luke.
The thought of my poor little kids being bounced around like a ping pong ball and the terror they must have felt nearly brought me to my knees.

We were so thankful that everyone appeared to be ok.

One year ago today I would get a second call.

Another accident.

"Everyone is ok." is what I was told.

However, upon arrival I would see the result of a head on collision.
See multiple emergency vehicles and stretchers being taken out.
Someone else must be hurt-they said everyone is ok!
There were so many people.
Luke, on a chair concerned with a surprisingly somber Emily.

"The kids!" Luke yelled to me.

Michael was too still.
Eyes wide open.
I started to panic until a paramedic said "He's ok."

I ran to Lucas.
Blood all over him.
I fell to my knees, kissed him and asked him if he wanted me to pray.
"Yes" he said crying and wincing in pain.
I prayed.
"Why did you let Dad drive!" he screamed.
I tried to distract him with things he enjoys. Actually, requesting him to talk about things he normally goes on and on about.
Instead he screamed "I'M DYING!" as they tried to get an IV in him.
"Ma'am. Flight for Life is on the way."
My heart sank to my stomach as I thought, "Oh my gosh! Lucas is dying! What am I going to do if he dies? How can I live? But I have two other children."

I don't remember very much after that as I went into shock.
I do know that the Lord blessed me with a Christian woman who asked if she could pray with me for our family.
I also know that Satan provided me with an angry woman who yelled at me.
Telling me I was horrible I was for being in shock.
I remember praying the entire way in the ambulance.
The paramedics kept asking me if I was ok.
"I'm praying" I would answer each time.

One year ago today the Lord would have mercy on our family.

The days, the weeks and the months following that day would bring many ups and downs.
Physical, emotional and spiritual wounds needed to be healed.

While we still have the scars and some emotionial and physical wounds still linger, our faith in the Lord has never been stronger.
We have regrouped and placed the Lord first, our family second and all other things follow behind.

Exodus 15:2
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

September 12th, 2009 was an awful day.
September 12th, 2009 was an amazing blessing.
September 12th, 2009 our lives were saved in more ways than one.

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Thank you Jesus for showing us Mercy.
Thank you so much to all our family, friends and strangers that supported us in so many different ways!
We love you all!

Sleepless in Pewaukee

It is currently 4:09am and I have been awake for about a half an hour. The last week or so I've had sleeping problems. Usually, I wake up every half hour to hour and am up for awhile. Then, at some point I finally fall asleep for an hour or two. However, I will suddenly wake up because of a dream. I have lucid, vivid and sometimes haunting dreams. By haunting I don't necessarily mean scary, they just stick with me long after I've woken up. I have a few dreams that are recurring and some dreams that actually come true, either exactly as I have dreamt or along the same lines. Sometimes, I can recognize that I'm in a dream and control it, my favorite thing to do is fly. :) The dreams are so vivid it is like whatever event is happening in the dream is real. It is exhausting.


I have had these dreams for as long as I can remember. When I was younger I would pray every night, "God, please don't let me dream tonight." It was really kind of nerve wracking and creepy. I especially did not like when some actually started coming true because I had no way to tell which would or wouldn't. So, naturally when I would have a bad dream, of someone dying for example, it would affect me for hours, days or even weeks. Sometimes, it still does. There was a brief period where I did not dream. The praying would help, but at a young age I wasn't really in tune with my relationship with the Lord.

So, here I am, 31 years old and it's consistently happening again.

Well-it's now 4:45am and I'm going to attempt to sleep for the hour I have left before it's time to start the day.

To be continued......


Continued

Well-I didn't fall back to sleep. So, I got three hours of sleep last night.

Today was the first day the Carrao Express ran the normal route. My father-in-law was unable to drive for month or so and we were blessed to be able to use my mother-in-law's vehicle. While it was a HUGE blessing to have two vehicles and not have to coordinate pick-up and drop off times, it was nice to be all together in one vehicle.

As we were driving today I began to have the "butterfly" feeling in my stomach. Usually, that happens when I'm anxious, excited or nervous about something. I had to ask Luke if there was because I couldn't think of anything! I had it for a few hours and now it's gone. So strange. Maybe it's because I barely slept?

Oh well....maybe tonight I'll be so tired I WILL get some sleep.

Here goes nothing!

Well, at the prodding of no one, the inspiration of many and the leadership of One, I have started a blog.

I actually "started" this blog a couple of years back. When I was going through the second hardest time of my life. Luke had moved out and I was going to use it as a way to get my feelings out. I wrote a post or two, but I couldn't keep going. I had to focus more on what the Lord was asking of me and being a single Mom to our three awesome (crazy) kids. Rather than start a whole new one, I un-deleted this one and kept the name.

I'm not exactly sure what the whole purpose of this blog will be. I don't know if I'll write daily, monthly or ever again. I don't know if I'll talk about the past (although it most likely will come up since it will always affect me), present or the future. I'm guessing it will be just random thoughts/experiences that I have-I can be a little on the random side. I've learned that sometimes I just have to do what I'm led to do without asking questions.

Maybe I should tell you a little about me.

First my family-I've been married to Luke for 12 years and we have three beautiful, funny children, Lucas (12), Michael (10) and Emily (3). My life is anything but boring.

Luke is bipolar and we joke that he is the poster child. He could write a list of his "likes" one day and two days later you could ask him to write his "likes" down and they most likely will be opposite of what he wrote two days earlier. We joke about it often but we know it's serious and it has affected us tremendously. But, it is manageable for both of us with the correct medication.

A year and a half ago my husband and all three kids were in two serious car accidents within hours of one another. This was the worst thing I have ever been through. Everyone is healed and healthy. However, we are still paying medical bills and both vehicles were totalled. Unfortunately, insurance did not cover all we owed on the vehicles and we had to pay out of pocket. So, we now only have one vehicle. Also-I highly recommend GAP insurance. :) Since we only have one vehicle I spend most of my time driving The Carrao Express. :)

I am a Christian. Most likely I will refer to the Lord quite often. He is a HUGE part of my life and there is NO way I would be where I am without Him. He has carried me through some pretty awful times. I try not to force Him on anyone but sometimes I just get so excited and want to share the joy with others. I'll probably mention how He leads me towards something or "tells" me something. I should probably explain that I don't hear voices and He doesn't appear to me in the flesh. It's really hard for me to explain and some of you may think I'm a freak. :) That's okay...I'm okay with being a "Jesus Freak."

I'm a very passionate person. I love people and I love to share and give to others. Unless, it's a treat I really like and my kids want a bite....then I have a hard time. :)

I really do love people though. Even when they're idiots....because....aren't we all at some point? I care about what they have to say and I really care about their lives. I feel their joy and I feel their pain....literally. I don't mean if someone pinches you I can feel it....if something traumatic or exciting happens to you though....I'm right on the roller coaster with you. It's helpful in my prayer life, but it can get hard sometimes. I've even had to stop watching/reading the news.

My passionate (some have said feisty) personality has gotten me into trouble.....not now but "back in the day" (and maybe a little now and then sometimes) if you will. If I was hurt I was very "passionate" (that's a nice word for it) about letting people know. My hurt would come out as anger to protect myself. That was a hard thing to break.....I am Sicilian you know......

I'm also very passionate about protecting my family and friends.....what part of being Sicilian didn't you understand?

Oh-before I forget....I'm a little on the sarcastic side. So, be prepared.

Hmmmmn-I can't think of anything else right now....but if I do....I'll let you know.

Thanks for taking the time to read. :)