Nonsense

I am not strong. I have no idea why people tell me I am. Is it because when I am punched over and over again, I continue to get up? I would say that's more of a stubborn thing. Like, "Oh, you think you're going to keep me down? Guess again!"

I am currently in a season where I am not really 'feeling it' from the Lord.

Wait-I just want to pause and say: Please don't panic and call/text/email/message or whatever and try to make me feel better. I don't mean to sound snotty or ungrateful, I just don't want to 'talk' about anything. If anything, just pray. I know the truth deep down....just not 'feeling' the truth.

It's just one thing after another, after another, after another........

It gets old.

One struggle I REALLY don't like to talk about---money.

I think there are a bunch of different reasons for this.

One reason-I was raised in an environment where you don't discuss your finances with others. You just don't.

Another-it's embarrassing to have people know you're barely making it. It's not like we're big spenders.. We live in a condo (don't get me wrong, it's a nice three bedroom townhouse style condo with four floors including a finished basement) with a tiny yard. We drive older vehicles that we paid cash for. We don't pay tuition this year as someone very generously gifted our children with that.

We come up with plans to pay off debt and things start out well, then...BAM....here come the ridiculous expenses putting us in worse shape than before.

I would say the biggest reason I avoid talking about our financial situation is that I don't want people to feel sorry for us or feel like they have to spring into action. I know we're not the only one with money issues. I know that our money issues aren't that serious compared to people who have no home, no family, poor health and so on.

Part of the reason I started this blog was to let others know 'who' I am--my struggles, my thoughts and my feelings. I feel like as I go through struggles, a lot of people will say how strong I am, or how I'm a good example....and other nice things.....I tend to look at them and tell them they are crazy. I wanted to be real and show people.....it's a struggle.....

It's just so frustrating when you are really trying hard to be responsible and make good financial decisions, yet new things continue to come along and smack you upside the head.

I mean....for the love....I can't refinance my home for a lower rate---why? Because I have medical bills from the accidents that the insurance company STILL hasn't paid.....we're going on two years! You see, because those bills haven't been paid, my mortgage company said we are too much of a risk to refinance. Really? Even though I have NEVER EVER been late on my mortgage in NINE years?! I was actually told that I would have a better chance if I missed payments. What the heck kind of a joke is that?!

We still owe an obscene amount of money for Luke's school loan, each time I try to pay it down, out of nowhere comes an expense. I'm convinced we will never pay the loan off.

It's not like we buy ridiculous things and waste our money, plus we do tithe and I would love to give away more money....if I had it.

I could go on and on and tell you different things---from just this week---that have happened.

Doesn't. Make. Sense.